A Real Achievement

So, today is December 1st. I love December... I love the Christmas lights and music, the feeling in the air and the beautiful nativity set my mother gave me that I get to look at on my mantle all month long. But today, as I was driving home from running errands, a new thought occurred to me. It was one that was too good not to share, so here it is.

Now it is December, which means fall is officially over. (For the record, I don't believe this garbage that winter doesn't start until the 21st or whatever day. In my mind, December=winter, and therefore, the ending of fall). And for the first year in a decade, my fall was FANTASTIC!

That's right... Autumn is a beautiful season. I have always loved the crispness in the air, and the changing leaves, and Halloween and Thanksgiving... but for some reason, fall has always seemed to have it out for me. And unfortunately, it usually involved problems of the heart (anyone who knew me in my single years knows that this was not unusual ANY time of the year... but fall always seemed to rise to the occasion each year) So let's quickly review:

Fall 2000:
-Following a dreamy summer of being sure that high school heart throb was FINALLY going to decide to be in love with me, he got a girlfriend... and it wasn't me. I spent September, October and November in deepest teenage despair.

Fall 2001:
-Certain that my life had come to an end because I had to (gasp) leave home and go to college (unheard of) I spent my days staring at pictures on my ceiling of high school heart throb (who still had never dated me) and telling everyone I knew and didn't know, who cared or didn't care about how wonderful he was. Oh, and I was horribly homesick.
-High school heart throb made an 8 hour drive to come visit me at school and I spent all of my semester money preparing for his arrival! He spent the whole weekend flirting with my roommates. Booo. Oh and then he told me that he knew that I wanted to marry him and that, well, was NEVER gonna happen. What? You mean I'm THAT transparent?????

Fall 2002:
-After a magical summer of singing "Cowboy take me away" (yes, I FINALLY got over high school heart throb) he tried (to take me away that is) and through a series of complicated circumstances, I turned him down... he moved across the country and I.... spent that fall crying my eyes out and continuing to listen to Dixie Chicks in effort to make myself feel better/worse (you pick)

Fall 2003: Yep. Still crying and singing Dixie Chicks. Yep, cowboy still lives across the country and has hated me ever since I broke up with him. Yes, I have issues with moving on apparently.

Fall 2004: Finally got over cowboy and started dating dreamboat #4 (we skipped #2, he was unimportant and happened in the summer, not the fall). Blissful summer with dreamboat followed by (are we sensing a pattern here) him dumping me for another girl in September.... and then marrying her. BAD fall.

Fall 2005: Start of nursing school-most stressful semester of my life. First failed test in college.
-McHandsome #6 (we skipped #5... short lived) told me he thought he was going to marry me... and then dumped me for another girl in my ward a week later. I've seriously got some bad karma going on here.

Fall 2006: Man of my dreams #9 (since fall 05 we added 3 more, and brought back #5 for a short time... just to keep things interesting) played yo-yo with me all fall long. Luckily, I fell right into the open arms of the guy (#12 (we skipped 10 and 11 over the summer) who my roommate and best friend had been in love with for a year. Oops. Not exactly proud of that one, nor did it end well for anyone. By the end of fall 06, I had lost my best friend, and open arms man dropped me like a hot potato for his ex girlfriend. Ouch.

Fall 2007: Move to Salt Lake, failed nursing boards, and heartache #13 (best friend of open arms #12) and I broke up at LEAST once a week for 6 months straight. By fall, I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, (seriously, can you blame me after that year) and finally blocked his number and went into hiding. Ha! NOT a pretty fall to say the least.

Fall 2008: We skipped #14 and on to... heartbreaker #15... we were right in the middle of one of our majorly dramatic on again off again "we don't date, we just act dysfunctional" cycles. Pretty sure we had one really fun date that entire couple of months.

Fall 2009: Enter Otto Stronach Shill IV. Man we had fun together that summer... and then I spent all fall feeling frightened and weighed down by the prospect of something ACTUALLY working our for a change... it was very stressful you know! I was used to being dysfunctional and he was trying to make me CHANGE!

Of course... magically my fears seemed to resolve around December 1st.

And then we lived happily ever after.

And I thought, "Wow, here comes fall 2010! It's going to be my first happy fall in years!"

Fall 2010: Morning sickness. I can't bear to open my fridge (EVER) and I want to throw up ALL the time. And don't worry, occasionally I did.

Fall 2011:
-Perfect Husband
-Perfect baby
-Not a single breakup/heartbreak/failed test
-Perfect life, because... well I EARNED IT!

But that's not really the reason. The reason is because I am SO blessed. And now that it's December 1st and fall is over... I can't even jinx myself by saying that. :)

The tides have turned. 2011 marked the beginning of a new decade of blissfully happy Autumns. And you know... it was worth a decade of silly dramas and morning sickness to have what I have now. Here's to a perfect fall, and a happy winter too!

PS To any of you who lived through any or all of these falls with me, I'd like to personally thank you for putting up with my drama. You are welcome to vote on which year was the worst.... I would start a poll but, let's be honest, that's taking it a little too far.

Family Pictures 2011

So, I have decided (like every other wife/mother on the planet) that it is important to have nice family pictures taken every year to document the growth of our family. It is lucky that last year was our wedding, since I just thought of this extremely original idea about a month ago. Sliding in right before the end of the year, I can check that one off my list. Of course, I begged Otto to let me buy some new clothes for the occasion. Because he is a perfect husband, he encouraged me to do so. I also timed my much overdue haircut for last week, bought a new outfit for the baby, (on sale of course) and spent a lot of time deciding what the perfect outfits to wear would be. I mix and matched some of my new clothes with some that I already had to fit with what the boys were wearing, and when we were in Mesa last week, my sister-in-law took some great pictures for us. I was pretty happy with the result:

Now is the part where I (of course) post an obnoxious amount of pictures of my adorable child:

He is the cutest child I have ever seen.

Of course the best part of this whole scenario was that upon arriving on the scene to take pictures, I took a look at Otto and it suddenly occurred to me:

 

...Apparently my months of careful planning yielded a not so original idea....

But even in old clothes... we're a pretty happy family. Here's to a great 2011! I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with as many reasons to be grateful as ours was!

WE DID IT!!!

You know those things you always said you'd never do, because it doesn't sound like fun, you hate doing it, and you think you are incapable?

Running a race is one of those things for me. People always told me that it got easier after the first couple of miles. That seemed hard to believe when running only one mile seemed miserable beyond belief. I was never a runner growing up, and I went through phases throughout college and after where I would get into running, but at best I could run a couple of miles at a time for short periods of time, until I lost interest again. I always thought I would be pretty proud of myself if I ever made it to a race, but deep down, wasn't sure I could ever do it.

Luckily, my friend Bree inspired me by running her first 5K a few months ago. I figured if she could run her first 5K after having a baby, so could I. So we trained together and today... I did it! I accomplished one of my life goals, one that quite frankly I wasn't 100% positive, even this morning that I could successfully pull off, but I did it! And at least for the moment, I feel so good I want to go out and run a marathon!

I'm sure I'll feel differently tomorrow.

Most people I know could go out and run a 5K tomorrow without even training, but for me this took a lot of hard work, and I am SO glad I did it. Now that I know I CAN be a runner, I am going to keep setting goals. Bree and I are running another 5K in December, and then I think my next goal will be a sprint tri, and then after that a 10K. What are your fitness goals for 2012???

So here are a few pictures from, what feels like to me, a huge triumph. Side note, the clock says 51 minutes, but that was the clock that started with the 10K departure 17 minutes before us. Our time was 34 minutes and 30 seconds.

Pictured here with our inspirations. :)

Ode to Utah

It's been four and a half years now since I packed up my little chevy aveo (Yes, I've totaled that car, and another since then) and drove... kicking and screaming (or at least crying) every last mile from Washington to Utah.

Four and a half years....

At one point I said I never wanted to move to Utah. Then I said, "If I ever move to Utah, I will not marry someone I meet in Utah, because then everyone will say, "You just moved to Utah to get married."'

So... I did, I did, and they did.

But life is good, so I'm not complaining. Sometimes when I round that bend around Farmington, and I can start to see the lights of the Bountiful temple and know I'm almost "home", I remember how I felt that night when I drove in, in tears, knowing that I was here to stay, and so alone. Yet, as much as I didn't want to admit it at the time, I knew deep down there must be a lot of good waiting for me in this city. My mom once said about another difficult move I once made: "Just think of all the people here who you have yet to meet and love." I have tried to remember that every time I was frightened of going somewhere new. Of course, every time she has been right.

Now we are putting in med school applications all around the country. Come next summer, there is a 1 in 27 chance we will stay (I am not smart enough to figure out that percentage in my head. Anyone that wants to do it for me, be my guest). If we don't stay, we will live in Washington, California, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Ohio, New York, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan, Louisiana, Arizona, Indiana, Kentucky, Maryland, Minnesota, Virginia, or North Carolina.

And so, in honor of the state and city I have now devoted 4 1/2 years of my life to, here is a list of the top ten greatest things about Utah, that I will miss next year, (in no apparent order):

1. The Mountains:

I'll miss the hiking, the views, the fresh air, the summer bbqs, the places that have been my places to be alone and think over the years... the beautiful mountains of Utah!

#2- The City Library

One of my favorite places in this city. When I first moved here I used to love to go buy an Italian Soda, climb to the top floor and spend the afternoon studying for my boards. Now I love to take my baby there and attend story time, check out books for babies books on how to raise babies, classics for me to read and keep my mind sharp, and old movies. I still buy Italian Sodas of course. I love how light this building is. It's always been great for lifting my spirits.

#3- The Salt Lake City Temple

The place we were married... one of the most beautiful places on earth! I will miss being able to go there on a regular basis. I will also miss this:

 The lights on temple square at Christmas time. Despite how COLD it is (see Caleb's face) it really is beautiful, and a wonderful way to celebrate the Christmas season.

#4- Siblings:

I have loved being so close to my sister Robin at BYU, and all of the fun activities we have done together! I will miss her next year if we leave Utah! We will also miss having Josh and Amy so close!!!

I should also mention all of our extended family that have taken such good care of us, including my grandparents, and several of our aunts, uncles and cousins. Family dinners have definitely been one of my favorite parts of living in Utah!

#5- LDS Hospital

The place where I learned to be a nurse, became a charge nurse, led my own committee, experienced my first encounters with death, laughed, cried, fell asleep standing up, and overcame fear in a way I never have in my life. The only place I spent almost as many nights as I did in my bed. All the doctors and nurses that I have come to love and respect, and shared so much with.... I will miss this place.

#6- Nurses day out:

Three of my favorite RNs, who constantly teach me how to be a better nurse, and make me laugh hysterically for hours on end every time we get together. I will miss our breakfast/lunch dates out that I have come to look forward to so much!

#7- Liberty Park

Another one of my favorite places in SLC. My favorite place for picnics in the summertime, my favorite trails for running or going for walks with the stroller. I love this place!

#8- Hale Center Theater

Where else on earth can you see Broadway quality for only 26 bucks a ticket? We have seen SO many good shows at this place. I will miss this for sure!

#9- My canning/running/mothering/reading/greys anatomy watching/bread making/decorating/cooking/budgeting/deal finding/farmers marketing/fellow nurse/traveling/shopping/event planning/restaurant hopping/crafting buddy/adviser Bree Ballard:

Last week we stayed up till 11 pm making applesauce, bread, and a complete disaster of her kitchen. Together we peeled apples by hand for 8 hours straight. This week we are taking our babies to story time, exploring the library, canning apples and making apple pie filling, attending a show for women about Christmas gifts, and running a 5K. DEFINITELY don't know what I'll do without her!

#10- Cafe Rio

My life will never be the same. One can only hope and pray for franchises.

Now, before you start saying your goodbyes and reach for a box of kleenex... we aren't going anywhere yet! In fact, we just got our secondary request from the University of Utah yesterday! (That makes 17 secondary requests out of 27 so far, wooohoo!!!)

But since the likelihood of us leaving before the year is up is still quite high, let me say before I go that I'm glad I came. I've gotten a lot of good things out of Utah in the last four and a half years.

And the best of those things..... I'll be taking with me. :)

Back in the Saddle

Right out of school, I knew I wanted to be an ICU nurse. It wasn't a decision that came easily, but once it came, it stuck. Like, forever.

For three years I battled day shifts, night shifts, weekend shifts, Christmas shifts away from my family, and everything else that comes with the brutality of medical schedules. I prayed almost constantly that I wouldn't kill anyone, and I sometimes had to keep glancing at my badge that said "RN" all the way into work, and then all the way through my shift to remind myself that I was capable of handling the responsibilities I had. After about a year, my confidence increased, and so did my exhaustion. I remember distinctly one day, listening to a friend tell me all about his hiking adventures from the weekend, and all I could think of was, "I wonder if I'll ever have enough energy to want to go hiking again." After three years I had come a long way in my career. I was now a charge nurse, and running my own regional committee centered around patient safety and involving managers of all regional ICUs. I loved it, but I decided that it was time to bring it to an end, and do something a little more "family friendly" in preparation for my upcoming marriage. So, I switched to Home Health, and left behind the ICU and all of it's memories and experiences. One of my dear friends, a nurse practitioner on the unit wrote on my goodbye card, "When you get bored, we'll still be here." I laughed and told her that wouldn't happen.

About two weeks into my home health career, I came home and told Otto that 9-5 was heaven, and I did not miss the physical, emotional and mental drain of the crazy, hectic, holding people's lives in your hands, ICU.

Two weeks after that to my surprise, and for the remainder of the year, I spent all of my time longing to be back in the throws of the chaos and the challenge, and the craziness.

Nine months later, with all the courage I could muster, I went and spoke with my old manager, hoping she wouldn't hate me for leaving previously. To my relief, she was glad to hire me back PRN, which was perfect since I was expecting a baby four months later. After jumping through several hoops, I walked back through those doors in my green scrubs, nearly a year after I had left and immediately felt I had come home.

I was overwhelmed by the response from coworkers, who at least pretended to be as glad to see me as I was to see them. It almost felt as though I were attending a party with old friends instead of being at work. I relished every second. I came home feeling that old familiar feeling that I had been run over by a bus. Ah it felt good!

Now I am signed up for just two shifts a month, often times I only work one of those, based on the census of the unit. Today at work I was told that I could start charging again when I was needed to cover for a charge nurse. How unfair is it, that I get to have it all? All the glories and experiences of my old job, with only enough shifts a month to make it fun? Most importantly, I get to do what I love OCCASIONALLY, so I can do what I love MOST (taking care of my sweet baby) full time? How unfair is it that I get the best of both worlds? Life is so grand.

So here are a few pictures (old as they may be) of life on the unit:

Although these pictures may appear as though life in the ICU is leisurely, there is a reason why I only have four pictures from the last four years. In the ICU I sometimes work 13 hours without stopping to eat. I clean up every body fluid you can think of. I get kicked, punched, spit on, slapped, and yelled at. I mop up blood, perform chest compressions, and manage several life support machines at once. I help people live, and I watch people die. I hold hands of frightened patients and family members. I teach every opportunity I get.

And I love it. I don't do it full time anymore. Crash carts and IVs are second place now, and my stethoscope and badge have to be dusted off from time to time. This is because first and foremost, I was born to be a mother.

Second to that, I was born to be an ICU nurse. Today I worked 2 1/2 hours, and then came home to hold my baby. I'll work one more time this month while his daddy spends the day with him, and spend every other minute with him. It really isn't fair... I have everything I ever wanted. Life just couldn't be much better than this.