When considering the lessons learned in the past month, there are simply too many to choose from. I had many experiences, that quietly but powerfully changed my perspective and priorities. I could probably write several chapters on this month alone, but instead, I'll focus on just one.
This month, I learned a little bit more about my definition of success.
March 7th and 8th were anticipated in our home for over a year. Otto had worked hard, even in the middle of his most difficult quarter of school and board preparation to pull off a nationally recognized Pre-Medical Conference here at Midwestern University. I had helped in several "behind the scenes" capacities, and was thrilled to have the opportunity to attend the conference with him, and witness his efforts unfold into success.
I was so proud of him, I could hardly contain my excitement. As the day progressed, and I watched in amazement as he was honored by school officials as well as big names from around the country. He carried himself like a true professional, and was respected as such by some of the most powerful leaders in the country in his field. I was thrilled to have the honor of personally meeting the CEO of the AOA- the head of the Osteopathic Association for the country, and the former physician to the President of the United States. Both of them greeted me on a first name basis, and with hugs, as though we were already close friends. Both of them stated their admiration for me, as Otto's wife, and how much support I must give him for these ambitions of his. And yet, at the end of the day, I went home wondering, "Would I always be known as 'Otto's Wife?'"
I love being Otto's wife. I love being Eli and Alayna's mother. In a world where "Stay at Home Moms" are often viewed as women without the ambition, ability or desire to pursue a career of their own, I chose to give up mine and stay home anyway. I did it because it is what I wanted, and it is what I still want. But at the end of the day, I sometimes wondered if the person I was for 28 years didn't exist anymore. And even for a moment, I wondered if the person I could have become, would ever exist.
The transformation of my perspective came little by little throughout that next week, and partially originated from a conversation I had with my husband, where I expressed these concerns. His wise words were just what I needed to hear in that moment. He said, "We have big plans for our future, and we will accomplish so much together. But right now while our roles and responsibilities are so different, there will be times when I will accomplish something, and you will play a supporting role. And there will be times when you accomplish something, and I will play a supporting role. That is ok too."
We wandered down the sidewalk, later that week. Just Eli, Alayna and I. I was present, but my mind continued to churn with the questions. "How important is it to my children, that I am here with them?" "What would change if I were to pursue the same ambitions as some of these women I admired so much last weekend?" I was not so much questioning my decision to stay home, as much as I was questioning, for a moment, it's importance.
Something jolted me back into the moment. My two year old was trying to get my attention. I bent down to give him my full attention, and he smiled at me and said, "Here Mommy! I picked this flower for you!" Suddenly it hit me. I do stay home for them. I stay home because I want to be the one to read them stories before they take a nap, and teach them the values that I feel are important. I stay home because I want them to reach for me every time they skin their knee and feel frightened. I stay home because I want to take them on outings and take them on bike rides and show them how big and beautiful and exciting the world can be. I stay home because I want to watch their little brains grow and expand; I want to see the connections they make, and hear the new words that they say, and laugh at the silly ways they put thoughts together. I want to study their developmental stages and learn what they need at what ages, and I want to cook them meals that will sustain their growing bodies and minds. There are SO many reasons I do it for them. But what I forget is that I also do it for me.
I am a driven, ambitious, competitive, perfectionist, type A woman. I have a million things that I want to learn and be good at. I can not do everything all at once. (Repeat to self one million times... :)) I can not give 100% to everything at the same time. But what so many of us often forget is that time is a tricky thing, and we often get caught up in racing ourselves to a finish line that doesn't exist. There will be time to pursue a career, design my own company, learn how to paint, become an expert at photography, and anything else that sounds exciting to me, and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Some of those things will happen now, in the rare and quiet moments when my children are in bed. Many of them happened before the children came, and many, many more will come after they are gone. But this time... these PRECIOUS few, short years... they will never come back. THIS is my time to soak in every second I have with these perfect children God has given to me. THIS is the time I have been given to give them all of the love, attention, praise, and affection that I have to offer. THIS is the time while my children are small. And while I have the rest of my life for other pursuits (and fully intend to use the rest of my life for those pursuits) THIS is my only time with children at home. And THIS time I will never get back. Nothing is more important to me than that. No other pursuit should cloud me from enjoying every precious fleeting second of this time.
Each family is so different, and I in no way want to imply that my chosen path is the only way for all women. Circumstances are different for everyone, and I am not passing judgment on any other mother's choices or preferences. But learning, in whatever capacity your situation allows, to put your growing children first in your hearts and pursuits, can bring an enormous amount of peace and contentment to your life. THIS is the lesson I learned, or rather, re-learned this month.
In our church's recent world wide conference (you can view it here), one of the speakers referenced the scripture: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
I have done a lot of thinking about that in the days since. I have considered what happiness really means, and how founding our hearts on the things of eternity is the only way to find lasting happiness.
And so, I continue my pursuit of happiness. And as always, I find it right here in my own home, and just behind my camera lens.
This month, I learned a little bit more about my definition of success.
March 7th and 8th were anticipated in our home for over a year. Otto had worked hard, even in the middle of his most difficult quarter of school and board preparation to pull off a nationally recognized Pre-Medical Conference here at Midwestern University. I had helped in several "behind the scenes" capacities, and was thrilled to have the opportunity to attend the conference with him, and witness his efforts unfold into success.
I was so proud of him, I could hardly contain my excitement. As the day progressed, and I watched in amazement as he was honored by school officials as well as big names from around the country. He carried himself like a true professional, and was respected as such by some of the most powerful leaders in the country in his field. I was thrilled to have the honor of personally meeting the CEO of the AOA- the head of the Osteopathic Association for the country, and the former physician to the President of the United States. Both of them greeted me on a first name basis, and with hugs, as though we were already close friends. Both of them stated their admiration for me, as Otto's wife, and how much support I must give him for these ambitions of his. And yet, at the end of the day, I went home wondering, "Would I always be known as 'Otto's Wife?'"
I love being Otto's wife. I love being Eli and Alayna's mother. In a world where "Stay at Home Moms" are often viewed as women without the ambition, ability or desire to pursue a career of their own, I chose to give up mine and stay home anyway. I did it because it is what I wanted, and it is what I still want. But at the end of the day, I sometimes wondered if the person I was for 28 years didn't exist anymore. And even for a moment, I wondered if the person I could have become, would ever exist.
The transformation of my perspective came little by little throughout that next week, and partially originated from a conversation I had with my husband, where I expressed these concerns. His wise words were just what I needed to hear in that moment. He said, "We have big plans for our future, and we will accomplish so much together. But right now while our roles and responsibilities are so different, there will be times when I will accomplish something, and you will play a supporting role. And there will be times when you accomplish something, and I will play a supporting role. That is ok too."
We wandered down the sidewalk, later that week. Just Eli, Alayna and I. I was present, but my mind continued to churn with the questions. "How important is it to my children, that I am here with them?" "What would change if I were to pursue the same ambitions as some of these women I admired so much last weekend?" I was not so much questioning my decision to stay home, as much as I was questioning, for a moment, it's importance.
Something jolted me back into the moment. My two year old was trying to get my attention. I bent down to give him my full attention, and he smiled at me and said, "Here Mommy! I picked this flower for you!" Suddenly it hit me. I do stay home for them. I stay home because I want to be the one to read them stories before they take a nap, and teach them the values that I feel are important. I stay home because I want them to reach for me every time they skin their knee and feel frightened. I stay home because I want to take them on outings and take them on bike rides and show them how big and beautiful and exciting the world can be. I stay home because I want to watch their little brains grow and expand; I want to see the connections they make, and hear the new words that they say, and laugh at the silly ways they put thoughts together. I want to study their developmental stages and learn what they need at what ages, and I want to cook them meals that will sustain their growing bodies and minds. There are SO many reasons I do it for them. But what I forget is that I also do it for me.
I am a driven, ambitious, competitive, perfectionist, type A woman. I have a million things that I want to learn and be good at. I can not do everything all at once. (Repeat to self one million times... :)) I can not give 100% to everything at the same time. But what so many of us often forget is that time is a tricky thing, and we often get caught up in racing ourselves to a finish line that doesn't exist. There will be time to pursue a career, design my own company, learn how to paint, become an expert at photography, and anything else that sounds exciting to me, and gives me a sense of accomplishment. Some of those things will happen now, in the rare and quiet moments when my children are in bed. Many of them happened before the children came, and many, many more will come after they are gone. But this time... these PRECIOUS few, short years... they will never come back. THIS is my time to soak in every second I have with these perfect children God has given to me. THIS is the time I have been given to give them all of the love, attention, praise, and affection that I have to offer. THIS is the time while my children are small. And while I have the rest of my life for other pursuits (and fully intend to use the rest of my life for those pursuits) THIS is my only time with children at home. And THIS time I will never get back. Nothing is more important to me than that. No other pursuit should cloud me from enjoying every precious fleeting second of this time.
Each family is so different, and I in no way want to imply that my chosen path is the only way for all women. Circumstances are different for everyone, and I am not passing judgment on any other mother's choices or preferences. But learning, in whatever capacity your situation allows, to put your growing children first in your hearts and pursuits, can bring an enormous amount of peace and contentment to your life. THIS is the lesson I learned, or rather, re-learned this month.
In our church's recent world wide conference (you can view it here), one of the speakers referenced the scripture: "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
I have done a lot of thinking about that in the days since. I have considered what happiness really means, and how founding our hearts on the things of eternity is the only way to find lasting happiness.
And so, I continue my pursuit of happiness. And as always, I find it right here in my own home, and just behind my camera lens.
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